The Stacked Deck
by Pandora's Teapot
Summary: The Joker and Two Face play a friendly game of cards over a few drinks and discuss everything from the lack of decent henchman, villianess', and of course, Batman. The things that happen at the Stacked Deck! Guest appearance by Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy! Please note: I make it a policy to read stories by those who review me, so please review!


**THE STACKED DECK**

**By Pandora Skye**

There wasn't an eye that didn't turn, a cigar that didn't fall limply from between greasy lips, when the Joker burst into The Stacked Deck bar. He threw open the doors and waltzed in, that relentless grin wiped across his vicious face, pulled a chair from his left side and swung it in front of him carelessly, perching upon it backwards with his elbows leaning on its back. He loved the attention, soaking it up shamelessly. With a simple gesture to the barkeep, a sparkling glass and bottle of red wine were delivered to his table and set in front of him. He frowned, inspecting the work, and the reappearance of a smile coupled with a click of his tongue provoked a sigh of relief from the nervous waiter. The Joker was satisfied and dismissed the boy offhandedly.

As the Joker began to drink, he peered about the room, scoping for possible henchmen to replace the six he had just gunned down in a fit of rage. Damn it, he thought, good henchies were so hard to come by these days. That, or little Harley was wiping the floor with them! He laughed hysterically at this thought, the throng of ruffians eyeing him curiously, but not daring to inquire.

But as the Joker continued his eagle eyed scan for hired help, his eyes glimpsed a familiar face. Or two, he thought, bursting into hysterics again. Harvey Two Face had seen the Joker and indignantly dismissed his antics, returning to the business he was currently engaged in. Annoyed, the Joker tapped his wine bottle on the table, beckoning in his most mock friendly manner. Two Face knew better than to ignore the Joker again, especially being in no mood for a confrontation with the psychopathic clown. Without excusing his present company, he rose from his place and sat opposite the Clown Prince with a dark frown etched deeply onto his lips.

"For the love of Gotham Harvey, smile," the Joker implored, sipping his wine daintily, "it won't crack your face!"

He erupted into peels of hysteric cackles, beating his palm against the table loudly. Two Face was unresponsive, his frown never flinching, his posture not even slightly interrupted. The Joker was unimpressed, but he was no stranger to Harvey's sense of humour, it just didn't seem to mingle well with his own. Two Face slammed his clenched fist onto the table, causing the Joker's wine to splash slightly from the glass. His eyes remained glued to the Joker, even when the trembling waiter returned to the table with a shot glass and four bottles: Gin, brandy, rum and scotch. A small chuckle escaped the Joker like a bubble popping in mid air. Harvey always did like his alcohol strong, straight and endless.

"Shut up and deal," Harvey demanded, spilling a shot of gin down his throat, followed by a brandy chaser. The Joker grinned and reached into his coat pocket, retrieving a deck of cards. With laughter rolling under his breath, he dealt the cards swiftly, savouring the scent of cigar smoke as Harvey lit three up at once. He handed one to the Joker before wedging the other two between his teeth and sucking in the dark smoke. They picked up their hands and began to play.

"Where's Quinn?" Two Face asked, his eyes darting over his cards. The Joker grumbled softly to himself before brushing off the subject with a wave of his free hand. Harvey grinned at last, eternally amused at the Jokers frustration with his adoring sidekick. He admired the clown though, his own temporary and brief partnership with Harley Quinn had been enough to last him two lifetimes, how the Joker put up with her constantly was beyond him. Perhaps it was to Quinn's credit, for despite her maniacal manner, the Joker still hadn't killed her.

"You after henchies too?" the Joker inquired casually, adding a fifty to the pile of cash that now lay between them. Two Face nodded slowly, concentrating on his cards. Who wasn't looking? Batman had cleaned most of the good ones up leaving only amateurs, no hopers, or – if you were really lucky – an upcoming shiner. The Joker was almost starting to regret shooting his men, but when he recalled how funny it had been at the time, he decided that it had been worth it.

Two hours passed, the Joker knew this because he was always prepared for anything two minutes, two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two anything after meeting with Harvey Two Face. Both had shed their jackets and rolled up their sleeves, the Joker had emptied his pockets of knives and Two Face had laid his double barreled gun on the table, the empty holster tucked neatly against his black and white vest. The Joker glanced at his own green vest, recognizing the similar tailouring. He made a mental note to remember to cut that guys throat out next time he got his suit cleaned of blood stains.

So far so good. Two hours, two minutes had passed and all went well. Harvey was winning, so no wonder, the Joker thought. He had just begun to deal out another round of cards when the bar doors swung open and a strange perfume wafted in. Guys were falling over each other to make way for the ladies at the entrance, but Two Face and the Joker merely shrugged and returned their attention to the game at hand.

Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn stalked their way up to the bar, perched on stools with their legs folded and giggled to each other as they watched the men around them fumble awkwardly at attempts to charm them. Harley beamed at the Joker, waving enthusiastically. She was not wearing her jester costume, just a pair of black jeans and a red top with her blonde hair in pigtails. Harvey chuckled when the Joker snarled and pretended not to notice her. Annoyed, the Joker added another fifty the treasury.

"Don't think that I don't know how hard you have to hide your own little secrets," he growled quietly, nodding his head as a gesture towards Poison Ivy. Two Face met the Joker's gaze, the anger burning in his left eye. Harvey folded, slamming the cards onto the table. Satisfied, the Joker scooped up his winnings before dealing another round.

Their game was interrupted suddenly when a fat man with beady eyes and a filthy odour was hurled over their table. Two Face grabbed his gun with lightning reflexes and pointed in the direction of the threat. He was shocked to find that Ivy stood on the bar holding a seedling between her index finger and thumb. From it sprung a wild vine that had hurled the man with astonishing force. She smiled and shrugged as Harvey lowered his gun.

"What? He was making moves and wouldn't take no for an answer," she explained, the venom bubbling in her voice. In other words, Harvey thought, you don't need protecting, I get ya. Harley had taken the opportunity to skip over to the Joker and fling her arms around his neck, peeking at his cards. He shoved her off him.

"Now Mister J, that's no way to treat a lady," she scolded in her bell-like voice, "it ain't my fault your losing!"

Two Face roared with laughter as the Joker seethed in his seat, his fingers tracing the blade of the menacing knife that lay opposite Harvey's gun. He could do it, Harvey thought, but not likely. The Joker picked up his knife, sprang to his feet and hurled it to the ground, its tip wedging into the wooden floor of the bar.

"Harleeeey!" he screamed. She cowered somewhat, her big blue eyes watery and ever widening. Poison Ivy sprang from the bar and leapt in front of Harley, grasping her wrist and leading her away. Good girl, Two Face thought, she knows the Joker all too well. Ivy scowled at the clown faced man and when Two Face chuckled softly, she shot him the same poisonous look. Calmly, she led Harley Quinn away from them and peace was restored to the Stacked Deck.

Resuming their game, Harvey Two Face and the Joker continued to mull over the shortage of good help, the tiresome Batman, and their ambitions for Gotham City. Their friendship was complicated and often short lived, for some reason the most genius criminal minds of this city just couldn't get along. The Joker had always considered it a one man show, and with Two Face, nothing came under the category of one. He glanced up and saw Harley and Ivy dancing together to the pulsating rhythm of the rock music that flooded the bar.

"Not that I want to dance with you Harv," the Joker cackled, drawing the attention of Two Face towards them, "but how come we don't get along like they do?"

Harvey sighed, reaching for another pair of cigars. He looked questioningly at the Joker, who politely declined. Harvey shrugged, lighting up and sucking deeply. Watching, the Joker couldn't help but laugh, Harvey would die of lung cancer before he ever got to see him bring down Batman! He frowned, because Harvey was the one person he'd really like to brag to when he finally did it.

"They're women, women are good at friendship," Harvey grumbled, watching them still, "we dogs just want to fight. All or nothing."

The Joker thought about this for a moment, watching the flashing lights bounce off Harley's deeply scarred limbs. Only he noticed, admiring his own handy work. He watched as she brushed against Poison Ivy, their arms interlocking like vines as they danced and swayed together. The Joker glanced at Harvey, noting the conflict in his expression.

"Either forgive her or kill her Harv," the Joker instructed blankly, dealing more cards, "pretty Poison wouldn't even be here if Harley hadn't mentioned that I'd be here with you tonight."

The frown returned to Harvey's expression as he turned and inspected his cards. The Joker sat, staring at him expectantly. With an exasperated sigh, Two Face downed another two shots before locking eyes with the Joker.

"We're just friends Joker," he growled, "that's it."

Sarcastically, the Joker feigned his most serious expression, nodding his agreement with a nasty snicker. Two Face ignored him, he had learnt years ago that this was the best way to push the Joker's buttons in the right order. It worked, the clown threw down his cards and leant close.

"Oh really? As I recall, Poison Ivy was the first to take you in when you joined our merry brood of lunatics this side of the tracks," the Joker hissed from behind his grin, "some friend considering that only a year earlier she tried to kill you."

Two Face smiled, a gentle laugh rising and dying inside him, infuriating the Joker even further. He laid his cards before the clown, revealing a winning hand with a charming smile.

"Sounds something like a clown I know," Two Face said vindictively, "and his hopelessly smitten harlequin."

Despite the Joker's rage, he couldn't help but burst into laughter despite himself. Harvey had done it, Harvey Dent had made a joke! As he considered this, Two Face gathered up his share of the winnings, skulled two more shots of rum, and re-holstered his gun. The Joker had already slipped into his purple coat, but continued to chuckle.

"'Til next time," the Joker said, offering his hand to Two Face. Harvey reached out and flipped his hand. Just as he suspected, an electro-shock buzzer. The Joker shrugged and chuckled, it had been worth a try. Two Face shook his head and was about to leave when the Joker called to him.

"Shall I tell her you said goodbye?"

Two Face thought for a moment before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the double headed coin. He flipped it, the Joker jumping from foot to foot excitedly, how he loved this game! Two Face frowned when the coin landed scored side up.

'Not tonight my friend," he replied, but the Joker just smiled at him intently, gesturing towards the table at which they had sat. There lay a single rose with its stem lodged in the neck of the brandy bottle, when Harvey looked around both Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn had vanished. The Joker laughed himself silly then, slapping Two Face on the shoulder.

"See, I told ya!" he boasted as they left the Stacked Deck and stood on the street. The Joker slipped on his hat and peered from under the brim, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark. Two Face breathed in the night air, sensing another battle with Batman was on the horizon. The Joker tipped his hat and curtly spun on his foot, stepping away from Two Face.

"Until we meet again, old friend," he called back, his words followed by hysterics as he danced and skipped down the sidewalk. Two Face smiled. With his coin clutched firmly in his palm, he turned in the opposite direction and walked into the night, flipping it again and again.

"Yes, until next time," he said to himself quietly as he walked, "old friend."

*** A short story by Pandora Skye, as adapted from the characters of the DC Comics classic, Batman. These characters are not original and have been borrowed for the purpose of paying tribute to the turbulent yet simple friendship of Arkham's most notorious. Pandora Skye whole heartedly supports all Arkham Asylum inmates in the crusade for the total demise of Batman, even if he is the coolest superhero ever. On that note, I do not condone excessive alcohol consumption unless you have a really nasty case of insanity and/or horrific facial scars as your excuse. X PS.**


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